FAQ

FAQ: What to Do If a Child Discloses Abuse

Disclaimer

The information provided in this FAQ is for general informational purposes only and reflects our advised responses based on personal experience and current best practices. It is not intended to replace professional, legal, or therapeutic advice.

If a child discloses abuse, we strongly encourage you to contact child protection authorities, a qualified mental health professional, or your local support services immediately. Every situation is unique, and it's essential to seek professional guidance to ensure the child’s safety and well-being.

Helpful Resources:
🔹 Bravehearts – Recognising and Responding to Abuse
🔹 1800RESPECT – 24/7 support for people impacted by sexual, domestic, or family violence
🔹 Child Wise – Child protection & education services
🔹 Darkness to Light – Global child abuse prevention education
🔹 RAINN – Responding to child sexual abuse (US-based)

What should I say to my child if they tell me someone touched their private parts?

Stay calm. Your child needs to feel safe and supported. Don’t react with anger or shock. Let them know you believe them and they’ve done the right thing by speaking up. You could say:

  • “I’m really glad you told me. Thank you for being brave.”

  • “Nobody should ever touch your private parts.”

  • “This is not your fault.”

What do I do if my child tells me they have been abused?

Steps to consider:

  1. Ensure their safety: Remove them from contact with the person who harmed them or any unsafe environments.

  2. Believe them: Say things like, “I believe you,” or “Thank you for telling me.” Avoid questioning their story.

  3. Report the abuse: Contact the police or child protection services immediately. They are trained to investigate sensitively and thoroughly.

  4. Seek professional help: Therapists specialising in child trauma can provide vital support and healing.

  5. Avoid confronting the abuser: Let authorities handle this. Confrontation can put the child and you at further risk and jeopardise the investigation.

Who do I report it to?

Report to the police first. They have departments trained in handling child sexual abuse cases. They may refer you to specialised counselling services or you can find a therapist with experience in child trauma yourself.

Important: Never approach the person your child has disclosed about. This can be dangerous, traumatic for your child, and can compromise an investigation.

What if it is my partner or a family member?

Unfortunately, most perpetrators are known to the child—and often family members. As heartbreaking as it may be, it’s critical to prioritise your child’s safety. You must report it through the correct channels. Our own family has been through this—healing is possible, and safety is always the first step.

How can I know it’s true?

If a child trusts you enough to share something so personal, believe them. False disclosures are extremely rare. It’s often much harder for children to speak up than to stay silent, especially when the person is someone they know or love.

What are the signs of childhood sexual abuse?

Signs may include:

  • Bruising, pain, or bleeding in the genital area

  • Changes in sleep or appetite

  • Self-harming behaviour

  • Regression (e.g., bedwetting)

  • Fear of certain people or places

  • Sexual knowledge or behaviour beyond their age

  • Withdrawal, anger, anxiety, or mood changes

Important: Some children show no obvious signs.

🔗 Bravehearts – Signs of Sexual Abuse

What are the signs of an inappropriate relationship with a family member?

Some signs may include:

  • The adult isolates the child or insists on private time

  • The adult encourages secrecy

  • The child shows fear or reluctance around that person

  • The relationship feels volatile or overly protective

  • Excessive gift-giving or favouritism

🔗 Bravehearts – What Is Grooming?

How do I respond calmly if my child shares something shocking?

Stay grounded. Take a breath and respond with gentleness and love. Children need to feel that you are emotionally steady and safe. Put aside your personal reaction and show them they are believed, supported, and protected.

What if my child is afraid or hesitant to talk about it?

  • Reassure them they are not in trouble.

  • Let them know you’ll listen when they’re ready.

  • Use gentle prompts like, “Is something making you feel scared or uncomfortable?”

  • Encourage expression through drawing, play, or writing.

  • Watch for emotional or behavioural changes.

Be patient. Trust builds over time.

How can I help my child feel safe after disclosing abuse?

  • Remove them from any source of harm

  • Let them know they are safe now

  • Reassure them you love them and believe them

  • Provide calm, comforting presence

  • Connect them with trauma-informed professionals

What if my child was told to keep it a secret?

Tell your child that some secrets should never be kept, especially if they make them feel scared, confused, or hurt. Explain that telling you was the right thing, and now you can help keep them safe.

What if my child changes their story or seems unsure?

Trauma can affect memory. Children may forget details or struggle to find words. This doesn’t mean the story isn’t true. Their brain might have “checked out” to protect them. Be patient. Stay supportive. Let professionals ask questions gently over time.

Can I talk to my child about body safety before anything happens?

Yes! Early education is key. Talk openly and calmly about body safety, private parts, consent, and safe vs unsafe secrets.

🔗 Body Safety Australia

What if I’m not sure it’s abuse? I don’t want to overreact.

You don’t need to be certain to take action. If something feels wrong, trust your instincts. Child protection services can offer guidance and assess the situation sensitively. Reporting doesn’t always lead to criminal action—it helps ensure the child is safe.

How do I emotionally support myself through this?

Supporting a child through abuse is deeply emotional. You may feel shocked, angry, numb, or overwhelmed. Seeking your own support is vital. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Try:

  • Therapy for yourself

  • Support groups

  • Calling 1800RESPECT for guidance

You’re not alone in this.