Why We Should Teach Our Kids Not to Keep Secrets (Part two)

Teaching kids not to keep secrets helps them to understand that just because someone wants them to keep a secret, it doesn’t mean that they should or must. As we know, forced secrets can be dangerous, and the effects can be dangerous and long lasting.

Some further reasons why this is an important lesson are:

1. It Teaches Kids to Trust Their Intuition

Kids often know when something feels wrong before they have the words to explain it.
If they believe secrets are allowed, they may ignore their own instincts.

But if a family’s rule is:
“If someone asks you to keep a secret, tell me right away,” your child learns that discomfort is a signal worth paying attention to.
A secret that makes you feel sick in the tummy, angry, confused, worried or sad should ALWAYS be told to a safe person.

2. It Helps Them Set Boundaries as They Grow

Today’s children are growing up in a world where boundaries, consent, and digital safety are more important than ever.

Teaching them not to keep secrets helps them develop:

• Clear personal boundaries
• Confidence in saying “no”
• The ability to recognise manipulative/abusive behaviour
• The skill of seeking help when something feels off, scary or wrong.

These are lifelong tools that support healthy relationships.

3. It Protects Their Mental Health

Keeping secrets can make kids feel:

• Anxious
• Guilty
• Confused
• Alone

No child should carry those feelings silently. Removing the expectation of secrecy protects their emotional wellbeing and ensures they never feel they must handle a difficult situation on their own.

What Parents Can Say

Here are simple scripts you can use to build this mindset at home:

• “In our family, we don’t keep secrets. But we do keep fun surprises.”
• “If anyone ever asks you to keep something secret, tell me right away.”
• “You’ll never get in trouble for telling me the truth.”
• “If something makes you feel weird, scared, or confused, I always want to know.”

These messages empower your child to speak up, whether the issue is small or serious.

The Bottom Line

Teaching kids not to keep secrets is a simple but powerful way to protect them and support their emotional health. It creates trust, reinforces safety, and gives them the confidence to speak up in uncomfortable situations.

It isn’t about making them fearful.
It’s about giving them the language, clarity, and courage to stay safe and connected with us, now and as they grow.