What is a tricky person and how do we recognise one?

What is a tricky person and how do we recognise one?

Although the term ‘tricky person’ isn’t used in Secret or Surprise, a tricky person can be best identified by how they make us feel when we are around them. Secret or Surprise reinforces this and makes it very clear when identifying both safe or unsafe people. When we talk to children about safety, it’s important to shift the focus away from particular types of people and focus on feelings.

A tricky person isn’t defined by how they look or whether they are known to the child or unknown. Instead, it’s someone who uses confusing, unsafe or uncomfortable behaviours, especially around a child’s body, feelings, or personal boundaries. Commonly, a tricky person could be someone a child knows, likes, loves or trusts.

Tricky behaviours can take many forms. For children, this might include someone asking them to keep secrets about touching, breaking safety rules, or making them feel unsure about what’s ok. It could also be someone who tries to ignore a child’s ‘no,’ uses bribes or threats, or creates situations where a child feels pressured or uncomfortable.

Tricky behaviour can also refer to touch that doesn’t hurt; in fact it might even feel nice, but when it makes them feel uncomfortable, scared, icky or unsafe, it’s not ok. Instead of trying to decide if a person is “good” or “bad,” they can ask themselves, Is this behaviour safe or unsafe? This is clear, simple and empowering.

Body safety education provides children with clear, simple rules:

-My body belongs to me

-I can say “no” to unwanted/unsafe touch

-A safe adult won’t ask me to keep secrets about my body

-I should always tell a safe person if something feels wrong and I feel unsafe

It’s also important to reassure children that tricky behaviours are never their fault. If someone breaks the rules, the responsibility always lies with the person who made the unsafe choice. Children should feel confident that they will be listened to and supported if they speak up. If someone doesn’t listen the child needs to know that they should tell someone else. A truly safe person will listen and help.

For parents, caregivers and educators, the goal is to create open, ongoing conversations. Using everyday moments to talk about boundaries, consent, and feelings will normalise it. Encourage children to trust their instincts and to keep telling until someone helps.

By teaching children to recognise tricky behaviours and not just tricky people, we give them tools that are clear, and empower them to understand and to speak up.